TED：你说话的时候为啥没人听？摆脱尴尬，从这个演讲开始（附视频&演讲稿）
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说话是人类最常运用的沟通方式，我们每天要说不少话，也得接收很多话，有些话被听进去了，但有些话却被当成耳边风。你是否曾怀疑：「为什么别人都不听我说话？」许多人总以为，话说了却没达到沟通的效果，八成是听话的人没专心，但其实问题也可能出在说话的人身上。你知道到底要怎么说，别人才会听？
其实，懂得好好说话，其实也是高情商的一种表现。 这样高情商的人，会在各种场合做出很恰当的举止，既能说话得体，又不能让人反感，更不会对他人造成伤害。
今天分先给一个英国声音专家Julian Treasure在TED上发表了“如何说话，人人都爱听”（How to speak so that people want to listen）的演讲，Julian通过自己的生活经验，发现了在生活中我们常犯的、并且应该努力避免（move away from）的7个说话上的错误，这就是说话的七宗罪（seven deadly sins of speaking）。一起来看看吧！
https://v.qq.com/txp/iframe/player.html?width=500&height=375&auto=0&vid=h0131oi8s33
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✘流言蜚语 | gossip 当我们看到这个词的时候，我们都很明白，这不是一个好习惯。当有人在你的面前议论他人的流言蜚语时，你一定清楚这个人不值得信任，也更加不值得付出时间去倾听。
✘评判 | judging 谈话时过分去评判，比如有人与你谈话时批评了你，你的心理正常来说是抗拒倾听的。
✘消极 | negativity 当人的情绪十分消极的时候，很难做到让别人听进去自己说的话，消沉的态度是聆听者走近你的阻碍。
✘抱怨 | complaining 这也是一种消极的形式，而抱怨实际上像病毒一样，会传染、蔓延、造成灾难。当你所传递的语言总是阴沉的、丧气的、那么这种压抑只会让人拒绝倾听。
✘借口 | excuses 有些人总是为自己的过失找借口，他们怪罪任何人却不对自己的行为负责任，这样的人也同样难以得到聆听。
✘浮夸吹牛 | lying 有时过分的夸张会演变成谎言。没有人喜欢听骗子说话。
✘固执己见 | dogmatism 把真相与见解混淆，这样的话只能成为耳旁风。当有人用他们的某些意见来强迫你，你是很难听进去的。
四种强有力的方法，可以让语言变得掷地有声，甚至让世界为之改变。如果能够坚持以下四件事情，你的言辞是会被接受的。
✓诚实 | Honesty 说真话，清楚明白，直截了当。拐弯抹角会让人产生疲惫感或者心生怀疑。
✓真实 | Authenticity 做一个最自然的自己，同时也要坚持最真实的自己。
✓正直 | Integrity 言而有信，成为可以让人信任的人。一个正直的人更容易拥有倾听者。
✓爱 | Love 对别人抱有良好的祝愿，虽然诚实很重要，但有时说话需要善意的谎言，当你真的希望别人可以好时，就很难同时去评判他们。
➲音域 | Register 调整发声的位置，比如声音从鼻腔、喉咙或者胸腔发出，声音会越来越低沉，越来越有重量，效果表达也是截然不同的。就像人们通常会把深沉和权威联系在一起。
➲音色 | Trimble 音色是你的声音带给人的感觉。丰厚、平滑、温暖都是给人以舒适的音色。
➲韵律 | Prosody 韵律通常用来传达语言的韵味，像是一首歌的旋律。单一的声调容易枯燥无味，缺乏抑扬顿挫很难能让人听进去。当然，也不要去重复地使用一个语调，这可能会使表达效果更加不理想。
➲语速 | Pace 飞快的语速可以给人以兴奋紧张之感，而放慢语速可以有凸显强调的效果。适当沉默，也可以使语言更加有力度。
➲音调 | Pitch 和语速一样，不同的音调可以表达不同的情绪程度，让语言更加生动化、情绪化。
➲音量 | Volume 控制音量同样可以改变你的语言力度，比如放大音量去表达兴奋，减小音量去表达抱歉，或者用很小的声音让听者更加注意你的言语。
We are losing our listening. We spend roughly 60 percent of our communication time listening, But we're not very good at it. We retain just 25 percent of what we hear. Now not you, not this talk, but that is generally true. Let's define listening as making meaning from sound. It's a mental process, and it's a process of extraction [ ɪk'strækʃən].
我们正在丧失倾听的能力。我们交流过程中60%的时间都是用来倾听，但其实我们并不擅长倾听。我们只保留了25%所听到的内容，不是指在座各位和这个演讲，这是一个普遍的事实。让我们来定义倾听，就是使得声音有意义，这是一个心理过程，它也是一个提取的过程。
We use some pretty cool techniques [tɛk'nik] to do this. One of them is pattern [ˈpætərn]recognition [,rɛkəɡ'nɪʃən]. (Crowd Noise) So in a cocktail party like this, if I say, "David, Sara, pay attention," some of you just sat up. We recognize patterns to distinguish noise from signal, and especially our name. Differencing is another technique we use. If I left this pink noise on for more than a couple of minutes, you would literally ['lɪtərəli] cease [sis] to hear it. We listen to differences, we discount [dɪs'kaʊnt] sounds that remain the same.
我们用一些很酷的技术完成这个过程，其中之一是模式识别技术。（人群噪音）在像这样的一个鸡尾酒会上。如果我说“大卫，莎拉，注意了”。你们中间就会有人坐直身子，我们能识别出一些声音特点，从而从信号中区分它们，特别是对于自己的名字。区分是我们用的另外一个技术，如果我让这种粉红噪声保持几分钟，你就不会很认真的听它了，我们只会听有变化声音，我们不大专注于持续不变的声音。
And then there is a whole range of filters. These filters take us from all sound down to what we pay attention to. Most people are entirely unconscious [ʌn'kɑnʃəs] of these filters. But they actually create our reality in a way, because they tell us what we're paying attention to right now. Give you one example of that: Intention [ɪn'tɛnʃən] is very important in sound, in listening. When I married my wife, I promised ['prɑmɪs] her that I would listen to her every day as if for the first time. Now that's something I fall short of on a daily basis. (Laughter) But it's a great intention to have in a relationship.
这里有一系列的过滤功能，它把我们从所有声音中抽离出来，重点去听我们所关注的。大多数人都完全没有察觉这些，过滤器。但是它们在某种程度上创造了现实生活。因为它们告诉我们当下我们正在关注什么，举个例子：意向在声音和听觉中非常重要，我娶我夫人的时候，我向她承诺我每天都会像我们第一次见面那样，去倾听她。现在我每天都在下降，但这是这种关系下的一个很好的意愿。
But that's not all. Sound places us in space and in time. If you close your eyes right now in this room, you're aware of the size of the room from the reverberation [rɪ,vɝbə'reʃən] and the bouncing of the sound off the surfaces. And you're aware of how many people are around you because of the micro-noises you're receiving. And sound places us in time as well, because sound always has time embedded [ɪmˈbɛdɪd] in it. In fact, I would suggest that our listening is the main way that we experience the flow of time from past to future. So, "Sonority ['so'nɔrəti] is time and meaning" -- a great quote.
但这不是全部。声音把我们置于时间和空间中，如果你现在马上闭上眼，你会通过声音回响以及声音在物体表面撞击的力度，感觉出这件房间的大小。你还可以感觉到在你周围有多少人，因为你可以听到周围微小的噪音。同时，声音还把我们置于时间中，因为声音总是和时间并存的。实际上我认为听觉是我们最主要的方式，去感受时间从过去到未来的流动。因此。“声音是时间和存在”--很好的引述。
I said at the beginning, we're losing our listening. Why did I say that? Well there are a lot of reasons for this. First of all, we invented [ɪn'vɛnt] ways of recording -- first writing, then audio recording and now video recording as well. The premium ['primɪəm] on accurate and careful listening has simply disappeared. Secondly, the world is now so noisy, (Noise) with this cacophony [kə'kɑfəni] going on visually and auditorily, it's just hard to listen; it's tiring to listen. Many people take refuge ['rɛfjʊdʒ] in headphones, but they turn big, public spaces like this, shared soundscapes, into millions of tiny, little personal sound bubbles. In this scenario [sə'nærɪo], nobody's listening to anybody.
我在演讲开始的时候说过，我们正逐渐丧失倾听的能力。我为什么这么说呢？这里面有许多的原因。首先，我们发明了记录的方式一开始通过书写，接着是录音，然后到了现在可以记录影像。精确、仔细的倾听所带来的好处已经消失了。第二，现在的世界太嘈杂了。（噪音）伴随着视觉、听觉上的这样的污染。已经很难去倾听了，也疲于去倾听了。许多人用耳机逃避吵杂的世界，但是他们把像这样的庞大的，公共空间，本可被共享的音乐场景，变成了数百万个这样的私人音乐小气泡。这种情况下，没有人会倾听其他人。
We're becoming impatient [ɪm'peʃnt]. We don't want oratory ['ɔrətɔri] any more, we want sound bites. And the art of conversation [,kɑnvɚ'seʃən] is being replaced -- dangerously, I think -- by personal broadcasting. I don't know how much listening there is in this conversation, which is sadly very common, especially in the U.K. We're becoming desensitized [,di'sɛnsətaɪz]. Our media have to scream [skrim] at us with these kinds of headlines in order to get our attention. And that means it's harder for us to pay attention to the quiet, the subtle ['sʌtl], the understated [,ʌndɚ'stetɪd].
我们正在变得浮躁。我们更青睐简单的语言而不再需要那些华丽的词藻。交谈的艺术。正在被私人化的平实语言所取代，我认为这是很危险的。我不清楚这种交谈中倾听能够占几成，通常都很不乐观，特别是在英国。我们正在变得麻木，媒体不得不用这样的标题向我们“嘶吼”。就是为了夺人眼球，这就意味着我们难以专注于安静的、细微的、需要理解的东西。
This is a serious problem that we're losing our listening. This is not trivial ['trɪvɪəl]. Because listening is our access to understanding. Conscious ['kɑnʃəs] listening always creates understanding. And only without conscious listening can these things happen -- a world where we don't listen to each other at all, is a very scary place indeed. So I'd like to share with you five simple exercises, tools you can take away with you, to improve your own conscious listening. Would you like that? (Audience: Yes.) Good.
丧失倾听的能力是个很严重的问题。这不是没有意义的，因为倾听是我们去认识事物的途径，有意识的去倾听往往有助于我们的理解力。如果失去有意识的倾听，就会导致以下的后果——一个人们不会相互倾听的世界是非常可怕的。因此，我希望与大家分享五个简单的技巧来帮助大家改进自己有意识的倾听。你们想听吗？（听众：当然）。好！
The first one is silence. Just three minutes a day of silence is a wonderful exercise to reset your ears and to recalibrate [rɪ'kælɪbreɪt] so that you can hear the quiet again. If you can't get absolute silence, go for quiet, that's absolutely fine.
首先是安静。每天只需拿出三分钟让自己安静下来，就是一个很好的练习，来让听觉系统进行重置和调整，从而可以再一次感受到宁静。如果没有完全无声的环境，那就去一个安静的地方也没问题。
Second, I call this the mixer ['mɪksɚ]. (Noise) So even if you're in a noise environment like this -- and we all spend a lot of time in places like this -- listen in the coffee bar to how many channels of sound can I hear? How many individual channels in that mix am I listening to? You can do it in a beautiful place as well, like in a lake. How many birds am I hearing? Where are they? Where are those ripples ['rɪpl]? It's a great exercise for improving the quality of your listening.
第二点，我称之为混合器。（噪音）即使你在一个像这样嘈杂的环境中，我们很多时间都生活在这样的环境中——在咖啡厅里听，你可以听到多少种声音？你可以在混杂噪音中分辨出多少独立的声音？这种方法也可以在幽静的地方练习，比如在湖边。我可以听到多少种鸟叫声？它们从哪里发出？传向哪里？这也是很好的练习，来改善我们的听觉能力。
Third, this exercise I call savoring ['sevɚ], and this is a beautiful exercise. It's about enjoying mundane [mʌn'den] sounds. This, for example, is my tumble ['tʌmbl] dryer. (Dryer) It's a waltz. One, two, three. One, two, three. One two three. I love it. Or just try this one on for size. (Coffee grinder) Wow! So mundane sounds can be really interesting if you pay attention. I call that the hidden choir ['kwaɪɚ]. It's around us all the time.
第三点，我称之为品味声音。这是个很好的练习，是关于享受平淡声音的。比如说，这是我的滚筒式干衣机。（干衣机）像华尔兹一样。1－2－3，1－2－3，1－2－3。我喜欢它。或者试试这个。（咖啡研磨机）哇喔！如果你用心，如此平凡的声音也可以这样有趣，我称其为隐形合唱团。他们一直都在我们周围。
The next exercise is probably the most important of all of these, if you just take one thing away. This is listening positions -- the idea that you can move your listening position to what's appropriate [əˈproprɪət] to what you're listening to. This is playing with those filters. Do you remember, I gave you those filters at the beginning. It's starting to play with them as levers ['lɛvɚ], to get conscious about them and to move to different places. These are just some of the listening positions, or scales of listening positions, that you can use. There are many. Have fun with that. It's very exciting.
下一个练习，也许是五项之中最重要的。如果只选一个的话。那就是倾听的状态——你可以改变你倾听的状态，根据你所听的内容而定。这些要用到哪些过滤器，还记得吗，我开始的时候提到过的。像一个杠杆一样去运用它们根据它们来移动到不同的地方，屏幕上只是一部分倾听的状态，或者是大家可以运用的倾听状态的一些尺度。还有许多，它很有趣，很让人激动。
And finally, an acronym ['ækrənɪm]. You can use this in listening, in communication. If you're in any one of those roles -- and I think that probably is everybody who's listening to this talk -- the acronym is RASA, which is the Sanskrit ['sænskrit] word for juice or essence ['ɛsns]. And RASA stands for Receive, which means pay attention to the person; Appreciate, making little noises like hmm, oh, okay; Summarize, the word "so" is very important in communication; and Ask, ask questions afterward.
最后，是一个缩略词。你可以在倾听、交流时用到它。只要你处于其中一种情况下——我想可能听这个演讲的在座各位都是吧，这个缩写就是RASA。它本身是个梵文，意思是汁液或者精华。同时RASA这里代表着接受，意思是关注于与你交谈的人。赏识，做出些反映。比如，恩，哦，好不错；小结。“所以，因此”这个词在交流中是非常重要的，以及询问，最后的时候问些问题。
Now sound is my passion ['pæʃən], it's my life. I wrote a whole book about it. So I live to listen. That's too much to ask from most people. But I believe that every human being needs to listen consciously in order to live fully -- connected in space and in time to the physical world around us, connected in understanding to each other, not to mention spiritually['spɪrɪtʃʊəli] connected, because every spiritual path I know of has listening and contemplation [,kɑntəm'pleʃən] at its heart.
声音是我的爱好、我的生命。我为此写了一本书，所以我为倾听而生，当然这对大多数人来说要求太高了。但是我相信每一个人都需要有意识的倾听，才是完整的生活——把空间和时间和我们周围的自然世界联系起来，把每个人用相互理解联系起来。更不用说是精神层面的联系，因为每一个我了解的精神幽径都包括发自内心的倾听和凝视。
That's why we need to teach listening in our schools as a skill. Why is it not taught? It's crazy. And if we can teach listening in our schools, we can take our listening off that slippery['slɪpəri] slope [slop] to that dangerous, scary world that I talked about and move it to a place where everybody is consciously listening all the time -- or at least capable of doing it.
这就是为什么我们需要在学校把倾听当作一个技能去传授，为什么实际情况却相反？太不可理解了。如果我们可以在学校里传授倾听技巧可以阻止我们的听觉坠向我提到过的那个危险、可怕的世界，并将其引导到一个每个人都乐于有意识的去倾听的地方——或者至少有能力去倾听。
Now don't know how to do that, but this is TED, and I think the TED community is capable of anything. So I invite you to connect with me, connect with each other, take this mission out and let's get listening taught in schools, and transform the world in one generation to a conscious listening world -- a world of connection, a world of understanding and a world of peace. Thank you for listening to me today.
现在还不知道如何做到这点，但这就是TED，我认为TED团体有能力做任何事情。因此我邀请大家联系我，同时彼此互相联系，秉承这个使命，同时让倾听课程进入学校。通过一代人的努力把世界变成一个乐于倾听的世界——一个彼此联系的世界、一个相互理解的世界、一个和平的世界。谢谢大家今天倾听我的演讲。
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